1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road. She was cited for littering.
  7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
  8. The Freedom from Religion Foundation is a non-prophet organization.
  9. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
  10. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  11. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
  12. The short fortune-teller was in prison for fraud. When she escaped, she was a small medium at large.
  13. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  14. A backward poet writes inverse.
  15. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
  16. Some wives mend their husband's socks. Others don't give a darn.
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